under the sky

UNDER THE SKY

Poems by Khadijah Lacina

CONTENTS

Section I.

The Earth

Dreams Lying in Wait

Winter Spike

Good Reason

How Women Talk

Work of the Wood

Aurora

It's Time

Under the Sky

Section II.

Hand

You

Still

So Do You

Black and White

My Black

The Truth of One

Change

Section III.

For Ahed,

on the Occasion of Her Arrest.

Run

Home

Standing Rock

Beyond This

Vow

Pulse

My America

Torch

You Words

For Ahed,

on her first day of freedom

to walk again under the sun.

Section I.

The Earth

the earth

that holds

you up

remembers

the songs

your

grandmother

sang

as she

climbed

the mountain

her fingers

grasping

for handholds

in the dirt

even as her

voice

wove

the wind

full

promises

to you

Dreams Lying in Wait

one moment

so small you

would think

it would be

forgotten

but no i

little white

gowned

girl my bed

beneath

the window

the better

to listen

to winds

nightly

tales of

times past

things

hidden

dreams

lying in

wait

only for

my tiny

hand to

pluck

one small

moment

one little

girl a few

words

caught

from one

end of

the phone

maybe

five years

tops we

have not

told the

children

five years

oh my heart

mama to live

no way my

small fists

can make

her take

those words

back no

way to

push clock

hands to

yesterdays

calm no

way to pull

sickness

two-handed

from her

blood no

way but

to turn

to wind

to render

them

dandelion

fine to

breathe

them in

to borrow

from night

air the

voices

of the

grandmothers

wrap them

around my

so thin

shoulders

vow to be

the one

to stand

tall to

carry

her to

never

again sit

childlike

inside

my comfort

zone

Winter Spike

winter spike

madtown

streets

first sleet

then snow

flakes you

said were

as big as

your tiny

hand the

world

mute

but for the

chatter of

the people

crouched

beneath

canvas

shelter

speaking

of that

other

world

the one

i saw always

and only

from

behind

glass

walls

we walk

your face

full of that

wonder

that never

left you

never left

us even

when night

cut us down

past them

we walk

their voices

sliced still

by the

sight

of us alien

ambassadors

from the

shantytown

tents box

houses

sleeping bags

stretched

across

signposts

your fists

woolcovered

against my

chest snow

flake gifted

hair your

eyes blue as

remembered

sky we push

past their

silent stares

a doorway

my last four

dollars the

sky falling

still we push

past glass

door bell

rings the

smell of

warmth

coffee the

bustle

of life

the relieved

smile of a

friend the

offer of

a cup of

tea at a

table

shared

gravel

tumbled

old man

a cup

of tea

a pair

of mittens

a spool

of words

shared

a world

forgotten

calls us

brings

us near

reminds

us of

heaven

written

in pencil

scrawled

across

fallen

snow

Good Reason

good thing

we did not

wait to move

the sofa

but instead

we, three

women,

heaved it

high over

the railing

the only

cost a

window

screen

good thing

we got it

out to the

yard

because

we really

needed

the rain

How Women Talk

you

with your

grandmothers

mothers

sisters know

how women talk

the fresh from

the oven bread

scent filling

the air the cutting

of potatoes

at the kitchen

sink the dicing

of onions the apron

to the eyes the damn

these things always

do that to me

followed by advice

from every chair

every cutting board

every pot on the stove

on how to keep

the tears from

falling but the whole

time we remember

the sharp blows

of words spoken

in anger malice

disregard for the

heart that beats

so strongly

in our chests

it fills our breasts

with heat and fire

that calls out

to be sucked dry

knowing it will

come again

the soft whisper

of love crackling

heat the smooth

feel of skin

between our lips

the slide of the

blanket to the floor

as love heats

our limbs breaks

our bones numbs

our minds sings

to us in a voice

stronger than

the thunder

the wind

that drives

the rain

against dark

glass

we step out

to the back porch

we say for air

but really to

escape the

weight of our

dreams tangled

young and old

past and present

dreamer and

doer we know

how women talk

the language

that runs

deeper

than

any

words

can

say

Work of the Wood

the work

of the

wood

under

the flame

that makes

heat

the soft

strength

of the sky

that lifts

the moon

the leaf

life and

death

so slowly

building

earth

the silent

work

of stone

that

underpins

it all

Aurora

the black

and white

of night

split

with

color

dreams

slide

behind

fire

shadows

the drum

summons

memory

coyotes

sing

It’s Time

day steals night

not long now

before

mourning

begins

Under the Sky

two shadow

hawks glide

over highway

empty

but for us

you look

to the sky

hand ready

to point

them out

sit back

silent

the sky

filled

only

with

sun

Section II.

10.

Hand

in the

face

fisted

hate

love

found

in the

hand

pressed

pushing

desire

against

autumn

cool

glass

11.

You

you

the deep

bass rumble

of thunder

beneath

grey

cloud

streaked

sky you

the sweet

rush of

spring

water

seeking

light

under

a frigid

layer

of ice

you the

mutinous

call of a

hundred

crows

released

from winter

bare branches

you the

whisper

of wool

against

my cheek

that reminds

me always

of home

12.

Still

still

is the

moment

before

the next

bomb

drops

when

the sky

is so

god

alive

so blue

and the

clouds

hide

nothing

but the

sun

and

children

laugh

knowing

that

peace

is just

that

a piece

of life

you

can’t

order

can’t

command

can’t

force

to sit

in your

lap

and

birds

take

their

rightful

places

in the

space

between

earth

and sun

and there

you are

I am

in that

still

space

still

standing

knowing

the buzz

of planes

far off

but not

far enough

that buzz

those

planes

the bombs

will drop

again

13.

So Do You

tell me

do you

have to

experience

injustice

to know

its bitter

taste

the way

it refuses

to go

down

without

a struggle

then sits

a hot

leaden coal

in your gut

do you

have to

hear lies

about

yourself

to see

them in

the stories

of others

you believe

without

question

no search

for truth

behind

words

so easily

spoken

do you

have to

feel pain

to avoid

inflicting

it bruising

flesh

squeezing

souls

drawing

blood

smelling

the acrid

scent

of fear

that settles

greasy

in the

back of

the throat

waiting

for the

next blow

to fall

truth is

it takes

more than

being

human

to show

humanity

more than

understanding

to show

compassion

more than

deception

to know

truth

it takes

more than

living

to truly

give

meaning

to life

14.

Black and White

dear john

it’s not you

it’s me

actually

fuck that

it’s that you

believe

we live

in a world

that plays fair

and good guys

win

and dreams

come true

but I

I know better

I know

justice

is an elusive

lover

peace

is a half-heard

whisper

love

comes

at a price

few are willing

to pay

even if they

deal

in the right

currency

you believe

the good guys

wear white

you forget

that I

wear black

15.

My Black

you see my black

and behind my back

whisper oppression

depression maybe

even demonic

possession

the coward’s way

was never okay

at my mama’s

hands I learned

to always

speak

my heart

live

my faith

show courage

and compassion

every day

stand up

for what’s right

never back down

ready to fight

I wear my black

in your face

remind you I’m

a member

of the human

race worthy

of respect

tolerance

understanding

acceptance

declaring

my independence

from your intolerant

codependence

on hatred misogyny

bigotry and

repression

the only

concession

I will make

is to treat

you fairly

be open

and trust

good will

win in the

end but

in case i

does not

I will not

back down

in your space

I will stay

wearing my

black it’s

my right

it’s my

way

16.

The Truth of One

the language

of war

and peace

flows

easily

from the

tongues

of those

who have

never felt

dread

at the high

buzz of

a plane

heard

not yet

seen so

really

it could

be coming

from

anywhere

to fill

heaven

and earth

with fire

those who

have never

walked

with

shoulders

hunched

past the

school

where

snipers

so often

perch

hoping

his bullet

that day

at least

is not

meant

for them

those who

have not

held

a child

to their

hearts

feeling

life slip

through

fingers

clasped

knowing

they can’t

hold

all that

blood in

can’t

breathe

life where

death

has come

to call

those

who have

not known

the cost

of peace

the price

of war

will never

understand

that the

truth of one

comes

with the

knowledge

of the

other

17.

Change

understand

growth

does not

happen

without

a breaking

of bones

a splitting

of sinew

a molding

and remolding

of flesh

know

change

hurts

like hell

just ask

caterpillars

werewolves

the deepest

parts of your

woman body

that bloomed

in the effort

to birth

revolution

draws

blood

much of it

i must

warn

you

will be

without

doubt

your own

Section III.

18.

For Ahed,

on the Occasion of Her Arrest.

seventeen

you raised

on breast

milk and

bombs on

lullabies

and land

mines on

rattles

and night

raids

heavy

boots

at the

door

masked

faces

guns

so many

guns

one shot

a life

changed

forever

that you

broke

is not the

surprise

that you

did not do

it sooner

that is

the wonder

your blood

the blood

of your

grandmothers

mother aunts

your tribe

the tribe

of women

whose men

go out to

buy a loaf

of bread

one loaf

a lifetime

behind

bars

whose

children

throw

rocks

while

their

oppressors

bomb schools

raze olive

groves rape

girls like you

girls who have

to choose

between

silence

and speech

neither

guarantee

of safe

passage

you girl

you stand

you speak

you fight

your fist

ours

raised

the future

indeed

we hold

in the

might

of the

palms

of our

hands

19.

Run

I stumble

jagged teeth

of ground

slash

hands

already

tattered

from the

beating

of the drum

I never

ran

from the

bombs

hot bunker

stench

of fear

holding

fast to

sweaty

baby fists

curled

under

my breasts

never

ran

from

bullets

with the

look of

stars

the bite

of hot

lava

rain

never

ran

from the

voices

that called

in the

night

for help

but held

life

hostage

with cold

steel

never

ran

now

when

I want

to run

I am

stopped

by the

earth

itself

20.

Home

jigsaw puzzle

skyline

heaven

meets earth

like fingers

locked

together

strong

but fists

could not

fight

the fire

that fell

from the

sky

burning

my eyes

the cold

metal

pressed

against

my cheek

the smell

of wool and

cigarettes

fear

acrid

filling

the back

of my throat

when the

world

erupted

smoke

sound

steel

my fists

clenched

held tight

to the

memory

of home

21.

Standing Rock

in this place

of melted

bones

the black

serpent

lies

promises

trickle

from bared

fangs

the land

cries tears

dark with

venom

still

the People

gather

rise

stand

dance

sift earth

free

the voices

of old

weave

songs

breathe

sparks

light

the blue

washed

sky once

with the

power

of prayer

22.

Beyond This

i pray this

darkness

is not the

last day you

will ever

see this

smoke

choked air

not the last

air you will

ever breathe

this soft

press of

bodies

united in

fear not

the last

human

touch you

will feel

i pray

for you

sun shining

off a field

bordered

pond the

trees

shadows

defining

mountains

i pray

for you

the sweet

smell of

apples you

would never

think you

could smell

them hanging

from the trees

but baby you

can the sweet

smell of apples

and autumn

and the weed

enhanced

sweat of the

migrant

workers

i pray

for you

soft and

hard the

gentle

the fierce

the beauty

and ugliness

the silk

and wool

of love

baby what

love is i

can’t tell

you but it

is dark and

light and

smoke and

sweetgrass

and wonder

and despair

baby it is

love

that i pray

for you

23.

Vow

sanctified

my blood

speaks

true

the slow beat

of the drum

quickening

yet tempered

with the wisdom

of the one who

strikes it

sanctified

my blood

sings

true

the sure voice

of the warrior

once cradled

to the fierce

breast

of a woman

who loved

sanctified

my blood

held you

pebble

smooth

tumbled

you out

into the

great

bluegreen

river

of life

my blood

rises

know my

little one

i will fight

for your

last breath

just as I

fought

for your

first

24.

Pulse

they’ll say

we are

different

you with

your way

of rainbows

awakening

coming out

and love

shared

life

lived

on the

flip side

me with

my path

of prophets

tradition

revelation

and love

shared

life

lived

on the

flip side

wait

listen

speak

we say

we know

what it

means

to be

different

to walk

paths

make

patterns

dream

dreams

breathe

air

live

life

on the

edge

ourselves

they’ll say

we are

different

we’ll say

no brother

you are

wrong

we know

difference

and we

know

we are

the same

25.

My America

my America

you sleep

while the

ocean

fills with

the frosty

tears

of ice ages

past

you cover

your ears

as the

great trees

fall leave

a battlefield

scarred

filled with

the corpses

of those

left

behind

you close

your fists

when the

earth

herself

holds her

hands

palm up

asking

only after

giving

of all

she has

my America

you draw

the shutters

too late

night has

already

reached you

though

your candle

has yet

to die

26.

Torch

you elderly

gentleman

with the

hundred watt

smile kind face

friendly wave

you standing

on the corner

with free

black lives

matter signs

you face

of the america

i remember

thank you

for carrying

the torch for

walking the

talk and

thank you

for keeping

the faith

27.

You Words

you words

engraved

on a girl’s

dark night

heart

the taste

of loss

sharp

on her

tongue

you whispered

hope keep

hope and

when the

hall light

went out

light

still shone

beneath

the door

you words

kissed

against

a babysoft

head

intoxicating

smell

of life

you whispered

love gift

love and

when the

funeral

prayer

began

a child’s

laughter

brushed

away

tears

you words

fell

from a sky

of fire

the ground

screamed

agony

you hissed

hate beat

hate and

when the

bombing

stopped

silence

breathed

truth

you words

wrap

around

me now I

catch my

reflection

a stranger

in a rain

streaked

window

you cry

freedom

know

freedom

when the

glass breaks

the honk

of wild

geese

echoes

in an

empty

sky

28.

For Ahed,

on her first day of freedom

to walk again under the sun.

remember

this sky it

was not so

blue the

last time

you saw it

the clouds

not so big

the sun not

shining not

burning

with heat

that splits

fruit on

the tree

not so full

of birds

flying

trying to

find the

breeze

that carries

them up

and out

to freedom

an olive

tree parched

reaches

across

the empty

space between

heaven and

earth beckons

yet they

fly on

as do you

walking

into

uncertain

sun

a facqueuesol paperless book